Recently, I felt emotionally drained and utterly exhausted — not just physically, but deep within my soul. Amidst moments of silence, solitude, and reflection on Scripture, I heard God’s gentle whisper to my heart: “Stop chasing people, Carla.” That moment hit me hard. How was I chasing people? Why was I chasing people? And most importantly, how was this impacting my relationship with God?
WHAT DOES IS MEAN TO CHASE PEOPLE?
This conversation with God started after I reread the story of the Woman at the Well in John 4:1-45. (I am using this story in a Bible study I am currently writing, but I know God brought me to this passage for other reasons.)
Sometimes it’s easy to read ourselves into Scripture, making unlikely connections–other times, we are so far removed that we miss what God might be trying to show and teach us.
When I examine the details of the Samaritan woman’s life, it’s easy to overlook them. An ancient woman from a misunderstood people, she had to draw water from a well, was living with a man who wasn’t her husband, and had experienced five failed marriages. Honestly, I didn’t see much that resembled my own life.
But, Jesus. (Whenever you see “but” before God or Jesus, pay attention because it changes everything!).
Yes, Jesus enters her world (which was scandalous on many levels), talks to her, and offers her something he calls “living water.” It is a beautiful, rich, and multi-layered story that I hope you will explore deeply with me someday when my Bible study is finished, but for now, let’s focus on what this woman was chasing after. Because that is the part God wanted me to see, too.
Like many of us, she was chasing people, especially men, to fill a longing in her soul. She believed that relationships would bring her joy, contentment, peace, and fulfillment. She looked to others to meet her deepest needs and desires. And Jesus shows up, asking, “Well, how is that working for you?”
At first, I had trouble seeing it. I wasn’t pursuing relationships the same way the Samaritan woman had. But as I sat with the Lord, He gently showed me that chasing people can take much quieter, more socially acceptable forms today. And honestly? They’re easy to justify.
Maybe chasing people looks like…
- Constantly checking your phone, hoping for a text back, a like, or a comment—because their response somehow validates your worth that day.
- Overcommitting your time and energy just to feel needed or appreciated, even when your soul is quietly begging for rest.
- Replaying conversations in your mind, wondering if you said the wrong thing, or trying to manage how others perceive you.
- Saying yes when you really mean no, because you’re afraid of disappointing someone or being misunderstood.
- Looking to a friend, spouse, or children to give you the affirmation, clarity, or peace that only God can provide.
- Feeling unsettled or insecure when someone pulls away, cancels plans, or seems distant—as if their presence determines your stability.
- Trying to “earn” connection by being more helpful, more available, more agreeable… instead of simply being who God created you to be.
- Measuring your value by how included you feel – whether you were invited, remembered, or chosen.
- Turning to others first to vent, process, or seek advice – while your Bible remains closed and your prayers go unspoken.
Let’s start by noting that these things are not inherently bad or wrong. In fact, they may resemble love, loyalty, and responsibility.
However, beneath it all, it raises a deeper question: Who am I trusting to fulfill what only God is meant to satisfy?
WHY CHASING PEOPLE LEAVES US UNFULFILLED
Returning to our story with the Woman at the Well, observe the conversation between Jesus and the Samaritan woman about water from the well versus living water.
7 Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, “Please give me a drink.” 8 He was alone at the time because his disciples had gone into the village to buy some food.9 The woman was surprised, for Jews refuse to have anything to do with Samaritans.[b] She said to Jesus, “You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you asking me for a drink?”10 Jesus replied, “If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water.”11 “But sir, you don’t have a rope or a bucket,” she said, “and this well is very deep. Where would you get this living water? 12 And besides, do you think you’re greater than our ancestor Jacob, who gave us this well? How can you offer better water than he and his sons and his animals enjoyed?”13 Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. 14 But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.” 15 “Please, sir,” the woman said, “give me this water! Then I’ll never be thirsty again, and I won’t have to come here to get water.”
As I sat with this story, I couldn’t stop thinking about the well.
The place the Samaritan woman kept returning to (again and again) just to get what she needed to make it through another day.
And I began to wonder…
How often do I do the same thing?
Well water = Chasing People
Well water has to be worked for.
It requires effort, striving, and constant returning.
- Well water takes effort to draw → We exhaust ourselves trying to get what we need from others. We work hard and hustle for approval, reassurance, and a sense of belonging.
- Well water must be constantly replenished → No matter how much we receive, it never lasts.
We need another text, another kind word, another invitation. - Well water depends on outside conditions → If the well is dry… we are left empty.
If people are busy, distant, or distracted, we feel it deeply. - Well water never fully satisfies → There’s always a lingering thirst. A subtle ache for more than we can’t quite name.
This is what chasing people does—it keeps us in a cycle of striving and scarcity, always reaching but never quite filled.
HOW GOD WANTS TO FILL OUR SOULS
But Jesus offers something entirely different. He invites us to pause, breathe, and open our hearts, minds, and souls to receive.
Just like the woman at the well, something in us responds: “Yes, please.“
Yes, I want that kind of living water—the kind that truly satisfies, so I don’t have to keep coming back here every day.
Yes, I long for something—and Someone—that fills me deeply, so I’m no longer working, searching, and striving for tepid, muddy water that never quenches my thirst.
Yes, Jesus… give me that kind of water.
Living Water = Receiving from God
- Living water is given, not earned → We don’t have to strive or work for it.
We simply come, empty and honest. - Living water is constant and unchanging → It doesn’t depend on others’ availability or response. We can draw from it whenever we need it.
- Living water dwells within us → It is not something we have to keep replenishing. We have God’s constant presence through the Holy Spirit.
- Living water fully satisfies → It meets our deepest needs at the soul level, giving us peace, security, identity, and belonging.
- Living water overflows → Instead of draining us, it refreshes us—allowing us to give out to others.
When we receive His living water, we stop asking people to be our source… and start loving them from a place of fullness instead of need.
HOW TO STOP CHASING PEOPLE AND FIND FULFILLMENT IN GOD
The question isn’t whether we’re thirsty—we all are.
The question is: Where are we going to quench that thirst?
Are we lowering our buckets into wells that keep running dry?
Or are we coming to the only One who offers water that never runs out?
When we stop chasing people, expectations, or fleeting approval, God steps in—not with a checklist, but with a fullness that quiets our hearts. He doesn’t just want to take the place of what we’ve been chasing; He wants to satisfy the deepest part of us that nothing else can reach.
But here’s the thing: we have to pause long enough to let Him. That means creating space in our lives—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually—for God to move.
To remember to fill your soul with God’s living water that is readily available to you, I created an acrostic using the word, WATER:
W – Weave Scripture into your daily life. Let His Word speak directly to your heart. Pick a verse that reminds you that God is enough and meditate on it daily. Even a few minutes can shift your focus from people to Him.
A – Ask God for help. Reach out to God in prayer, telling Him exactly what you’re feeling, craving, or afraid of. He already knows, but voicing it aloud or writing it down in a journal allows you to release the tension of trying to control outcomes.
T – Take a time out. – Turn off notifications, mute your phone, engage in a social media fast. Instead, take a slow walk or sit in silence with Him. Quiet isn’t wasted – it’s the soil where God plants His peace.
E – Engage in intentional community. Sometimes God fills us through others. Engage with people who encourage, inspire, and point you back to Him—not those who drain or demand validation.
R – Replace comparison with gratitude – When you notice the pull to measure yourself against others, pause and list what God has done in your life. Gratitude redirects our hearts toward God’s provision rather than people’s approval.
As you practice these steps, you’ll notice something remarkable: fulfillment isn’t about more approval, more invitations, or more attention. It’s about letting God’s presence saturate your soul until you’re confident, secure, and at peace in who He made you to be.
When we stop chasing people and start leaning into God, our souls get what our hearts have been longing for all along—a quiet, steady, unshakable fulfillment that no human interaction can ever replace.
This is such a great reminder to rely on living water, not well water, and you identified some very specific people-chasing ways that I hadn’t thought of. Love the graphic, too. Thanks for your wisdom, Carla!
Thank you, friend! I think it easy for all of us to default to looking to others for affirmation and approval. The Lord is continually teaching me to return to Him to find my true identity and worth!