SEEKING THE PEOPLE OF CONNECTION

Since God created us with an innate need to connect, seeking the people of connection should be effortless and easy, right?

Sadly, that is not always case.

We continue our series here on this #MindfulMonday by tackling one of the more difficult aspects of CONNECTION: connecting with others.

Connecting with others cannot only be uncomfortable and difficult, it can sometimes cause deep pain and hurt.

In fact, many people I talk to who struggle with their relationship with God have been badly scarred by their connections with others.

So far, we have learned how to:

1. Find God at the PLACE of CONNECTION
2. Walk by faith the PATH of CONNECTION

Today, we want to turn our attention to those horizontal relationships and the PEOPLE OF CONNECTION.

 Part 3: Seeking the PEOPLE OF CONNECTION

With whom do we connect on the path?

And, from my perspective, I think women really struggle in this area. (At least I know I do!)  And we are not only hard on each other, but hard on ourselves.

So when I began speaking and writing about this, it was very valuable for me to illustrate the two types of women we can choose to be.

We can disconnect…or connect.

Exclude…or include.

Sever…or join.

Divide…or unite.

Separate…or attach.

Burn bridges…or build them.

And let us not kid ourselves, we have been on both sides of these equations!

So let us take a look at what GIRLS OF DIVISION do and then how WOMEN OF CONNECTION respond.

GIRLS OF DIVISION COMPARE

Comparison is the enemy of contentment and will get us every time. When we are dissatisfied with where we are on the path, it is so easy to start looking at those around us and see how we measure up.

We easily get caught in the trap of comparing anything and everything: kids, spouses, physical attributes, career choices, houses, financial situations, spiritual lives, and even other friends!

There are only 2 ways to go when we compare:

• We feel better about ourselves and better than others which leads to pride and a false sense of security.

• We feel worse about ourselves and start to feel less than others which leads to jealousy and insecurity. 

Instead of COMPARING…

WOMEN OF CONNECTION CHAMPION

They defend, support, protect, advocate, endorse and help others on the journey.

They are secure enough in their passion and purpose on the PATH OF CONNECTION that they can encourage others ahead or behind without comparing.

They are content to STAY IN THEIR LANE and do exactly what God has called them to do.

A WOMAN OF CONNECTION is a cheerleader and encourager who is secure enough in who she is and where God has placed her that she can genuinely rejoice when others succeed.

GIRLS OF DIVISION COMPETE

 The reason is it so important to stop at comparison is that it often leads to the next area of division:  competition.

Why?

If we find ourselves lacking when we look at another woman, we may start competing to make ourselves feel better.

For example…have you ever thought some of these things…or (gasp!) even said them out loud?

She may be a hands-on, committed, and fun mom, but I am a better homemaker.

They may spend their money on fancy clothes and vacations, but we are saving it for our kids’ college education.

She only has that body because she works out for hours at the gym every day; I cannot afford to spend that kind of time and effort because I am doing more important things like working to take care of my family.

He only got that promotion because he is a workaholic and willing to work crazy hours and travel all the time…I am a better husband and dad because I am there for my family.

Ouch! Do those sting? They are taken from real conversations, so we are all guilty.

Whether we are competing to stay on top or to pass others on the path, it is lonely and exhausting.

Competition also destroys any intimacy or authenticity in our relationships making connection near impossible.  How can we expect to be real, honest, and vulnerable with someone if we see her (or him) as a competitor?

Instead of COMPETING…

WOMEN OF CONNECTION COOPERATE

They have learned the truth of Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (The Message):

“It’s better to have a partner than go it alone.

Share the work, share the wealth.

And if one falls down, the other helps, but if there’s no one to help, tough!

By yourself, you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst.”

WOMEN OF CONNECTION understand that in order to form genuine, lasting, and strong vertical CONNECTIONS on the path, they need to be people who work with others instead of against them.

They recognize that real strength comes from uniting our gifts, resources, and passions and using them together to achieve great things.

GIRLS OF DIVISION CRITICIZE

It is easy to move from competition from criticism because it is our easy “go to” when we fail.

When we feel like we don’t measure up or cannot even compete, our natural tendency is to criticize.  Women have always been good at using our mouths!

Here is the dictionary definition:  the act of expressing disapproval and of noting the problems or faults of a person or thing; a remark or comment that expresses disapproval of someone or something.

When some of our conversations start with phrases such as:

“I can’t believe that she…”

“I would never…”

“Did you hear/see what they did…”

 “He really should…”

When we give in to criticism, 3 things happen:

• We display our ego and insecurity.
• We set the standard by which we will be judged.
• We alienate people. When we get a reputation for being critical, people will avoid us.

Instead of CRITICIZING…

WOMEN OF CONNECTION COMMUNICATE

 They are open, honest, and vulnerable.

They are not afraid to speak the truth in love.

They believe that “iron sharpens iron” (Proverbs 27:17) so they do not shy away from the hard conversations knowing that they can strengthen and improve connection by being real and genuine.

The goal of their communication is not to point out faults or catch others making mistakes, but rather to motivate, inspire, and encourage.

After hearing true words spoken by a WOMAN OF CONNECTION, one feels better not worse.  The words from her mouth bring healing and hope.

The Bible also teaches us to be PEOPLE OF CONNECTION by putting others first and including everyone:

Philippians 4:2-4 (The Message)

“Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends.  Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top.  Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead.  Don’t be obsessed with your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.”

1 Thessalonians 5:11b

“So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind…”

 The choice is ours.

Are we going to be GIRLS/BOYS OF DIVISION or WOMEN/MEN OF CONNECTION?

On this #MindfulMonday let’s be purposeful and intentional about being people who CHAMPION, COOPERATE, and COMMUNICATE with others as we walk the PATH OF CONNECTION.

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