Today we conclude our series on CONNECTION and I want to leave you with a list of do’s and don’t’s. A huge thank you to all of you who have been such an encouragement to me throughout this process! I have so appreciated hearing from you and your stories of CONNECTION.
We started over a month ago by asking these questions:
1) Where is the PLACE of CONNECTION?
2) How do we walk the PATH of CONNECTION?
3) How do we find the PEOPLE of CONNECTION?
Here is a short recap of what we learned:
SEEK GOD AT THE PLACE OF CONNECTION
We first need to be intentional about connecting our life and our faith.
STAY IN YOUR LANE AND SERVE on the PATH OF CONNECTION
Then we need to connect our faith with the path, passion, and purpose God has chosen specifically for us.
SUPPORT EACH OTHER BY BEING PEOPLE OF CONNECTION
We need to be intentional about surrounding ourselves with people of connection so that we can champion, cooperate, and communicate well with those who are traveling in the same direction.
As we end this series, I wanted to give you some practical wisdom and advice that I have collected over the years from studying God’s words and closely following people who know how to connect well.
THE TOP TEN DO’s and DON’T’S OF CONNECTION
1) DO BE YOURSELF
Figure out what kind of friend you are and what you are looking for in a friend. Know your personality and your strengths and weaknesses so that they are not barriers to connection. When you pursue things that fit who you are, you have a good chance of meeting like-minded people. Above all, be honest with yourself and others!
2) DO INITIATE & BE INTENTIONAL
By the time you come home from a long day of work and errands, you may have little energy left to develop connections with those outside of your immediate family But if there is already an “appointment” on the calendar, you can’t miss it. Schedule regular phone calls, lunches, days out, and connection points with people in your life. If you are seeking new connections, the next time you go to social gathering, tell yourself you want to leave with three new friends (or maybe even just one). That way, you’ll be more open to meeting people and starting in-depth conversations instead of just smiling and keeping to yourself.
3) DO EMBRACE DIFFERENCES
Think outside the box. Most of us do not have much trouble find the Barnabas/Barbie (think bosom buddy, best friend, etc.) in our lives, but why limit yourself to only these connections? You could just as easily hit it off with an elderly neighbor or a younger co-worker if you have enough in common. Be open to forming new relationships with coworkers, neighbors, and classmates, no matter who they appear to be. Embrace and celebrate what makes each person unique and how that can enrich your life.
4) DO LISTEN MORE AND TALK LESS.
When you are just starting to get to know someone, foster intimacy by talking about something deeper than the weather. Once you have been talking for a while, try asking open ended questions that allow your friend to share something meaningful about him or herself. And listen to the answers! You build trust by being a good listener and foster healthy communication.
5) DO SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE
While it is important to listen, you also have to be able to speak openly and honestly…with truth and grace. There is nothing like a person who can tell it to you straight, and we all need those people in our lives! When a friend asks you a question about a new job or relationship, try to be as open as possible. Take them to the truth of God’s word. Pray with and for your friends.
6) DON’T USE SOCIAL MEDIA AS A SUBSTITUTE
Social media cannot substitute for real friendships. Although Facebook can actually be a great way to strengthen old ties or keep in touch with friends who have moved away, one study found that posting mass status updates (“Just ate breakfast! Delish!”) doesn’t do much for close relationships. Twitter, texting, Instagram, and Snapchat all have their uses too, but if you are serious about connecting with someone, you need to make the time and space for face to face interaction.
7) DON’T GIVE UP
It takes a level of risk and putting yourself out there to initiate and seek a new connection. And sometimes it does not work out, but when you invite a new friend to coffee or a movie and they turn you down, don’t freak out. Maybe they really are busy with work; maybe family relationships already take up too much time; maybe it actually isn’t you after all. Try a few times before you move on. In addition, all friendships go through valleys…maybe a life transition (a move, new job, or baby) will temporarily change the relationship. Fight for the relationship if it is worth saving, and be there for your friend by being supportive of the changes in her life.
8) DON’T HANG ONTO THINGS
Extend and seek forgiveness. So Sara forgot your last birthday and Mark cancelled at the last minute. As hurtful as their seeming lack of interest might be, try to cut your friends some slack. Instead of assuming they don’t care about your relationship anymore, consider that they might just be overwhelmed with work or family responsibilities (and remember that you’ve probably been in the situation yourself!). Also, it is okay to tell them how you feel as long as you are willing to accept their answers and move on.
9) DON’T CLOSE YOUR HEART AFTER YOU HAVE BEEN HURT
In keeping with some of things mentioned above, it is easy to build up walls to protect ourselves after we have been wounded by a friend. Sometimes friendships run their course and are only for a season. That is okay. Do not force a relationship if it is over. With God’s help, you can let go and learn to open your heart again. Maybe you needed to go through the pain and hurt to understand what you really need/want in a friend and what to look for in the next connection.
10) DON’T FORGET TO PASS ON WHAT YOU HAVE LEARNED
Use the pain, joy, loss, and intimacy of your relationships to mentor others on the path of connection. You will foster more authentic and healthier friendships when you share with each other. Model love and forgiveness in the midst of hurt, offer support during trials, and be willing to pray for and about your relationships. Consider mentoring someone as positive and useful way to connect. You can be that Paul/Paula to someone who is coming up behind you on the journey!
I hope these tips help you think through the importance of CONNECTION on this #MindfulMonday.
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