I hid behind a mask today to hide my true self. Maybe you have used masks to hide too.
Welcome to #ThankfulThursday where we will be taking off the masks.
Do you know that hiding was one of the very first things Adam and Eve did in the garden after they disobeyed God and ate the forbidden fruit? Here is the account from Genesis 3:8-10 (NLT)
“When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. Then the Lord God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’ He replied, ‘I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.'”
They hid because they were afraid and ashamed. Their eyes were opened and they knew that had broken fellowship with God because of their sin, so they hid. In effect, they tried to put on a mask so that God could not see them as they really were. Nice try… hiding from God. But we do it too, don’t we?
We not only hide from God, but from others…and even from ourselves.
We hide because of…
Shame
Pride
Insecurity
Fear
Protection
We are terrified that if we show anyone who we really are, we will be ridiculed, rejected, ignored, misunderstood, or disliked.
So, I told you that I wore a mask today. But in reality, I have been taking off and putting on masks my whole life.
And since AT THE CROSSROADS is all about connection and I believe authentic connection can only take place when people are real, genuine, and honest, I have been convicted lately about taking off these masks.
So much easier to say and write about than to actually, physically, pry those different masks off my face, but I hope to make a start today.
I guess I first need to come clean about what masks I wear and why I wear them. Full disclosure, it has taken me a lot of prayer and soul searching to even get to this point of acceptance.
The first is the “EVERYTHING IS FINE” mask.
You wear this one, too, I am sure. We all do. It is the positive, perfect, pleasant mask we put on to show the outside world that our lives, our families, our jobs, and our homes are beyond fine…they are great! Perfect, even.
We scroll through these “masks” every day on our social media accounts…and we all are guilty of posting images that portray this “perfect life.”
When I put on this “everything is fine” mask I may smile too much, laugh too hard, talk a little louder, act a little prouder …all in an effort to hide the imperfections that I am afraid you will see just beneath the surface.
My kids have even watched me grab this mask and put it on…and they think it is hilarious. I’m stressed and frazzled, the house is a mess, I have not taken a shower, and I am losing it with my kids (aka screaming at the top of my lungs) and suddenly I hear the doorbell ring. Quickly I pull myself together, take a quick glance in the mirror, change my tone and attitude, and answer the door with the sweetly sickening, “Hello! Well, how are you? Yes, please come in! No, no, this is not a bad time at all.” And on the mask goes…
When we put on this mask, what we are really doing is performing. We are pretending that everything is fine when it obviously is not.
And the irony of wearing this “positive, perfect, pleasant” mask is that instead of making others admire and respect us, it actually has the opposite effect. When people feel that we have it all together and that our lives are perfect they begin to feel hopeless and sad, thinking that their lives should be that way too.
Oh my stars…what are we doing to each other?
Recently, I reached out to two friends and confided in them about a deeply personal struggle. I let my guard down, confessed my feelings of failure and rejection, and was totally vulnerable. I even broke down and cried.
I took off the mask.
And guess what happened?
We connected. They supported and encouraged me without judgment or shame. They listened without trying to fix or minimize my feelings. They truly empathized because I let them see the real me. They saw me for who I was and loved me anyway.
And the other cool thing? They now know they can take off their masks with me. Once you see the ugly cry, you are much more willing to go there yourself.
God never created us to wear masks…that was something Adam and Eve did on their own. Sharing our insecurities and imperfections makes us human and real…as God intended us to be.
The second go-to mask for me is the “I HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER” mask. It pairs quite nicely with the “I CAN DO ANYTHING” Superwoman cape.
For a type A, people-pleaser, perfectionist, sadly, this is must-have accessory. Yep, I rarely leave home without it (kinda like my lipstick!)
It is the I-am-so-strong-I-can-handle-everything-and-be-everything-for-everyone-at-all-times-no-matter-what-life-throws-at-me attitude that forces me to wear this mask quite often.
Maybe like me you find yourself caught in the trap of juggling all your different roles, trying to be all things to all people. Saying yes when you have not the time, energy, or resources. And refusing to say no out of guilt, fear, or discomfort.
But the reality is that I am just not that strong (no one is!). And I was not made to be.
I have moments when I feel like the weight of all the burdens I am carrying will crush me. When I am weak and paralyzed at the crossroads and cannot find it in me to take one more step. When I am overwhelmed by my circumstances and cannot find my faith.
When I take off the mask, I am admitting I need help. I am allowing others to see me as fragile, frail, and fractured. No, it is not a pretty picture, but it is a true and genuine one.
And it allows those who know and love me to carry me through those tough times. Support and encouragement need to be mutual and reciprocal for authentic connection. This involves not only giving others strength and support when they need it, but opening up ourselves to receive this same strength and support.
But the most important reason I need to take off “I HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER” mask is that it is a lie, a fraud, a deception that keeps me from the most important connection in my life: my spiritual connection with God.
Remember Adam & Eve and how they hid from God in the garden? Do you remember why they ate the forbidden fruit?
“The serpent told the Woman, ‘You won’t die. God knows that the moment you eat from that tree, you’ll see what’s really going on. You’ll be just like God, knowing everything, ranging all the way from good to evil.’
When the Woman saw that the tree looked like good eating and realized what she would get out of it—she’d know everything!—she took and ate the fruit and then gave some to her husband, and he ate.
Immediately the two of them did ‘see what’s really going on’—saw themselves naked! They sewed fig leaves together as makeshift clothes for themselves.” ~ Genesis 3:4-7 (The Message)
They wanted to be like God…and when I put on this mask, so do I. Wearing it is denying the power of the God I serve. Only He has it all together and can do everything. Who do I think I am? I am not hiding from anything when I wear this mask…I am actually exposing myself for the fraud I really am.
Confession is good for the soul, and I am grateful on this #ThankfulThursday to be open and honest with you about the masks I wear.
But I don’t want to stay stuck in this place. None of us were born wearing masks. We put them on ourselves…which also means we have the ability to take them off.
What is waiting for us when we have the courage to show people who we really are?
Empathy
Connection
Intimacy
Freedom
Truth
Here is what my dream coach, Renee Fisher (www.reneefisher.com) told me after I got real and raw with her on my journey:
“Vulnerability means telling the truth without placing expectations on how the others respond. When I choose to be vulnerable about my story and my life—I have learned that it is a gift He has given me to be able to be vulnerable. I can’t be responsible for how others react. I might have hoped for a better response, maybe even a applause (if I’m being honest), but that’s not what God truly desires. Vulnerability means being transparent. Period. It’s like asking why light shines. It just does because that’s its job. When God gives you the gift of transparency, it’s a gift. Just be you. Do you. Don’t be afraid of what others think or say. He will equip you and give you the confidence you need to shine!”
Just be you.
Do you.
Shine for who you are.
Without the mask.
I hope AT THE CROSSROADS continues to be a place where we can take off our masks and connect with others within the context of a committed and caring community. Join me on the journey by subscribing to today!
Very encouraging Carla! I too wear these masks Just this afternoon after returning from vacation I stopped in to work on the way from the airport (mistake, I should have gone tomorrow lol) and ended up facing a few stressful things at my job. I was feeling crushed under the pressure: thank you for the reminder that we are not meant to have it all together all the time.
I so get it, Andrea! I think when we take off the mask and are real and honest with ourselves and others, we will be pleasantly surprised by how much support and encouragement we receive.
Carla,
So true about the masks. For years my husband and I kept our two daughters addiction to ourselves and talked to no one, isolated and drowned in our pain and misery. One day I took the mask off and spoke to someone, only to find out they were relieved to have someone to speak to and that shared their trials.
I do find that there are some masks that once worn, are very hard to take off. My family expects me to wear the ” I can do it all mask” because they have come to rely on it. I am exhausted by this burden. I have tried relinquishing control but my family is willing to live in total disarray as the boys take their cue from my spouse who is unwilling to any more than what he absolutely has to since he is retired. I am praying God will lead me to a solution before I crash and burn.
Thanks for being so open and honest in sharing your story, Becky. Taking off our masks can often lead to true connection and mutual support and encouragement. However, others will find it uncomfortable when we stop performing or pretending. We are not responsible for their reaction or response, we just need to live in the truth that God has called us to. I will be praying for you!