WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DISCONNECTED

I want and need you to know that the heart and soul of AT THE CROSSROADS is connection, so being disconnected is a very uncomfortable place for me to be.

Connecting faith and life, connecting passion and purpose, and connecting people of like minds and hearts with each other is my passion and my purpose.

I want to be completely honest and vulnerable with you about my need for connection and community, but the truth is no matter how you are wired—whether you call yourself an extrovert or introvert, socially savvy or socially awkard, energized by people or drained by people—we are all created by God for connection and community.

Something deep in our souls, whether we choose to admit it or not, longs for meaningful and authentic relationships with others.

We want to know others and be known by them.  I believe God actually built this need for connection into our DNA because we are made in His image.

Without giving a long, theological explanation here, I need to take the time to stop and talk about one of the oldest doctrines of Christian theology: the doctrine of the Trinity.

Uh-oh…hang in there with me on this one! I think it explains so much about the core of connection and why we so desperately need it and search for it throughout our lives.

The Nicene Creed (c. AD 325) explains the Trinity this way (many of you will recognize this!):

 

I believe in one God,

the Father almighty,

maker of heaven and earth,

of all things visible and invisible.

I believe in one Lord Jesus Christ,

the Only Begotten Son of God,

born of the Father before all ages.

God from God, Light from Light,

true God from true God, begotten…

I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life,

who proceeds from the Father and the Son,

who with the Father and the Son is adored and glorified.

 

So why is it important to know and understand a triune God? The Trinity means that God himself exists in community. His very nature IS community and connection. One God, three persons.

Yes, how this actually works is a profound mystery (as the Bible tells us), but we cannot ignore the basic fact that before you, me, and world began there was God dwelling in perfect harmony.

If we look back at book of Genesis, this triune God says, “Let us make man in our image” (Genesis 1:26). (Notice the pronouns there…very important!)  Since we were created in the image of God, we too were designed with an innate need to connect and a yearning to exist within the context of community.

The only time God declared that something was not good was in Genesis 2:18, “…’It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’”   So even if we have struggled to connect with others or have not found the community we desire, God’s intention for us is to live and thrive within the context of caring and committed relationships.   This should happen on a vertical level  with God and horizontal level with others (more on this later in the series).

We often define our lives by the strength of our connections, and when we are disconnected we are depressed, anxious, and unfocused.

The truth of the power of being disconnected hit home with me when my oldest child went off to college. Because we have a big and close family, one of my main concerns was that we stay connected with him even while he was away. Although I knew it would be difficult, I was encouraged by all the resources that were available. When I was in college, we only had landlines for limited use! I think I talked to my parents once a week.

One of my other sons came up with the brilliant idea of creating a family group text, so that we could all stay in touch. I absolutely loved that idea! And was so glad that he came up with it…because it was a bit over my head technologically speaking.

The first texts between my three sons starting popping up on my phone and it was hilarious! You can only imagine all the smack talk that goes on between three teenage boys…it was almost as if they were still all at home goofing off around the kitchen table. My husband got in on the action and the jokes, sarcasm, and even some serious talk continued.

Of course, I tried to jump in too…I desperately wanted to be a part and stay connected to my son. I tried to be witty and funny and not ask too many mom questions (even though I was dying to know!), but it seemed as if he never responded to any of my texts. He was pretty good about replying to everyone else, but not to me. We weren’t connecting for some reason and it really started to bother me.

 

 

 

 

I went to one of my other sons to see if maybe he could figure out why. His response? “I don’t know, Mom, maybe you’re just not connecting with him.”

What????? My heart was just crushed. Not connecting? This was the son that was the most like me, that made fun of me the best because he always understood me, that stayed up late talking to me for hours. How could we not be connecting?

My greatest fear about him leaving was actualizing right before my eyes on that tiny little phone screen.  I was feeling disconnected.  And it hurt.  Bad.

I confess that I started to panic. I began texting more frantically, more insanely just trying to get a response. It was pretty pathetic.

After a few days, I could not take it a single minute longer. I broke down and called him directly. I was hurt, I was confused, and I feared I was losing him…he had only been away from home for a month.

I will reconstruct the conversation as best as I can remember:

Me: Hey, how are you? How’s college life? What have you been up to?

Son: Great. Good. Not much.

Me: Really? Is that it? You don’t have anything else to tell me?

Son: Not really.  It’s all good.  Mom, are you okay?

Me: Ok, fine. I need to talk to you about something. Why don’t you respond to any of my texts? You respond to your brothers and your dad. Why not me?  

Son: Oh, yeah. I wanted to talk to you about that. I’m glad you brought it up. I don’t think we are connecting.

Me: (silent gasp/heart crush). Not connecting? Really? What do you mean? What am I doing wrong? Am I asking too many questions? Am I nagging or bothering you? Is that why you’re not responding?  Do you need your space?  Am I doing too much of  the mom thing?  (this probably went on quite a bit longer but I will spare you the rest!) 

Son: (laughing out loud…really?) Calm down, Mom. It’s not that. What I meant was that I think something is wrong with your phone or your settings because I have not seen or received any of the texts you have sent in the group messages.  I didn’t even know that you were part of the group text.  

Me: Oh, I see (huge sigh of relief). Thank God! I was going to do something pretty drastic (like bringing you home from college maybe) if you did not respond to me soon.

Son: Okay, Mom. Let’s just solve the problem.

 

Yes, connection is more crucial to our lives that maybe we even care to admit. I hope you will join me here on #MindfulMondays as we explore this topic in the coming weeks.

Here is what this series will cover:

1) Finding the PLACE of CONNECTION: Where/what do we connect?

2) Walking the PATH of CONNECTION: How do we connect?

3) Seeking the PEOPLE of CONNECTION:  With whom do we connect?

 

As we begin, I encourage you to begin evaluating the connections in your life right now.   If you are feeling disconnected in any area of your life or in any of your relationships, I hope you will find hope and peace as we search for answers together.  The best way for you to not miss a post this series is to subscribe to follow this blog through email (it’s easy…see details below!).

Let’s start 2016 by making a commitment to make new, healthy, and authentic connections!

 

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