STIRRING THE NEST: A LESSON IN LETTING OUR KIDS GO

The eagle instinctively knows when and how to stir her nest, but, as parents, do we?  When is it time to stir the nest, and how do we have the wisdom and strength to do it right? Letting our kids go is never easy, but there are key lessons we can learn from the eagle.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO STIR THE NEST AS A PARENT?

I don’t know what it is like in your house, but there is a lot of “stirring” going on in my home during this time of year! All my children are young adults, but I still affectionately refer to them as kids:

• Kids finishing the school semester and making plans for the summer, the fall, the future.
• Kids flying across the country to start internships and prepare for a career.
• Kids trying to lease apartments and move to new cities.
• Kids making career choices, buying cars, and looking for houses.
• Kids figuring out who they are, what they want to do, and where they want to do it.

Yes, I am pondering stirring the nest during this season of my life. Maybe you are too.

• If you have teenagers, kids in college, or adult children, you will relate to this in one way.
• If your kids are still at home or toddling around, you will see how this concept applies to everyday milestones.
• And if you are a teenager or young adult, this may help you have a little empathy and grace for your parents!

WHAT STIRRING THE NEST LOOKS LIKE

We need to stir the nest as our children get ready to walk.

We need to stir the nest when they begin to do things independently like feed and dress themselves.

We need to stir the nest when they go to school for the first time.

We need to stir the nest when they try to reach out and make friends on their own.

We need to stir the nest when they sleep overnight or go away to camp.

We need to stir the nest when they begin to drive.

And yes, we need to stir the nest when they leave home as adults on new adventures.

HOW CHILDREN RESPOND WHEN WE STIR THE NEST

When my oldest son went off to college several years ago, I sent him off as a legal adult, but I called him a man-child (I hope he does not take offense to this term!). It is hard to believe that my youngest child, my only girl, my baby, is ready to take flight seven years later as I write this. (Yes, you calculated that right…in a few short months, I will officially be an empty nester! )

Everyone tells you that eighteen years flies by…and they are so right. I know I rolled my eyes when my parents got misty-eyed about the milestones in my life, reminiscing about the day they brought me home from the hospital, but now I am saying and doing the same things. And I know exactly how they feel!

THE PUSH-PULL EFFECT OF LEAVING THE NEST

I think any time our children transition from one sort of independence to another, there is a period of push-pull. I remember feeling it myself when I was about to graduate high school and leave for college. You push your parents away because you want to be grown-up and independent, but then you pull them close because you are still needy and scared.

I also think of a toddler learning to walk: he holds tightly to his mother’s hand for balance and support while at the same shaking her off as he wants the freedom to run.

Adult-child.

Push-pull.

Growing pains for all of us.

While I was outside walking one day, I started thinking and praying about this whole process and asking God for wisdom and guidance.  It is so hard! It seems that all of my kids are in some transition too. One is deciding on colleges. One is seriously considering choices about his future. One is making plans to move to a new city. And the oldest two are making decisions about careers and buying a house!

• When do I push?
• When should I pull?
• What do I say and when do I say it?
• How do I let go gracefully?

WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT THE EAGLE STIRRING HER NEST

And then I saw a bird sitting in her nest. I love when God speaks to me through nature in real, tangible ways that make sense to me.

I can so relate to that mama bird:

So protective.

So vigilant.

So proud to care for her babies.

So content to do what God made her to do.

As I looked at this sweet bird, God brought the image of an eagle stirring her nest to my mind. I couldn’t walk home fast enough. I wanted to find that passage in the Bible. I needed to know how and why the eagle stirs her nest.

The passage is found in Deuteronomy 32:11. It talks about how God cares for us.

He was like an eagle hovering over its nest, overshadowing its young.

Then spreading its wings, lifting them into the air, teaching them to fly.”

Deuteronomy 32:11 (The Message)

Then I began my Google search…

HOW THE EAGLE STIRS HER NEST & WHAT THIS TEACHES US AS PARENTS

I looked at many pictures of eagles’ nests (they are HUGE) high in the branches of trees or on the sides of cliffs. I never really looked at them that closely before. I learned that when a mother eagle builds her nest, she starts with thorns, broken branches, sharp rocks, and many other things that really seem to have no business in a nest that is supposed to hold fragile eggs and then young, tender eaglets. But then she lines the nest with a thick padding of wool, feathers, and fur from animals, making it soft and comfortable.

WHY THE EAGLE STIRS HER NEST

By the time the growing birds reach flying age, the comfort of the soft nest and the daily free meals makes them quite reluctant to leave. (Sounds a lot like home-cooked meals and free laundry to me!)

So the stirring begins. It has to. That mama bird, with her strong talons, begins pulling up the thick padding of fur and feathers, bringing the sharp rocks and branches to the surface. As more of the bedding gets plucked up, the nest becomes more uncomfortable for the young eagles. Ouch!

As the nest becomes less inviting, the little ones begin to move toward the edges of the nest. The stirring forces them to try their wings and begin the process of maturing. And watching close by is that mama eagle urging them on and flying beside and underneath them as they begin their journey.

THE LESSON OF LETTING GO

Not hard to connect the dots, is it?

It is a beautiful picture of how God cares for us and of how we are to care for the children He has entrusted to us.

To be honest with you, it is not easy for me to stir the nest. And I am not always sure when I should do it.

I want him to stay a little longer. I would love for her to still play with dolls. I hesitate to give him the keys. I often enjoy cooking for them and helping them with their laundry. If only I could still hold six-foot tall boys in my arms…

I want to make the nest soft, warm, and comfortable always.

But it’s time. They need to fly…and I need to let them. By God’s grace and wisdom, I am stirring the nest slowly but surely.  If you are in the process of any kind of stirring, let’s support and encourage each other!