Are you feeling alone, forgotten, sad, or unappreciated this Mother’s Day? You are not alone. Whether you are longing for a child, separated from children you love, struggling as a single mom, or dealing with the loss of your own mother, Mother’s Day can trigger feelings of loneliness and isolation. God sees you where you are and wants to give you hope no matter where you find yourself this Mother’s Day.
TO THE WOMAN WHO FEELS ALONE BECAUSE OF LOSS
We can experience loss in various seasons and circumstances of life, but, for many women, this sense of loss is felt deeply on Mother’s Day.
- Maybe you are a woman who has lost a child due to miscarriage or death. The pain of your empty, aching arms can be overwhelming when you see other women cradling their babies or walking hand in hand with their kids.
- Maybe your sense of loss comes from a strained relationship with your child or your own mother. Maybe distance separates you from your adult children, or the close relationship you expected with your mom is nonexistent. Maybe your child has shut you out of their life, and there is a hole in your heart.
- You also might be experiencing Mother’s Day for the first time without your mom. Whether you have fond memories or difficult ones, losing one’s mother can trigger many emotions as you watch other people celebrating with their moms.
HOW TO DEAL WITH FEELINGS OF LOSS ON MOTHER’S DAY
If you know you will be dealing with feelings of loss on Mother’s Day, what should you do? I believe there are both practical and prayerful steps you can take.
PRACTICAL IDEAS:
Be proactive and make other plans with other family members or friends. Some women suggest going to the movies or on a hike, treating yourself to a spa day, or even scheduling a weekend away with others who understand your sense of loss and can be there to uplift and comfort you.
Know what your triggers are. If scrolling on social media, going out to places (restaurants, stores, church, etc.), or even looking at old photographs/letters deepen your sense of loss, avoid doing those things for the day. Read a book or watch a show instead. Reflect and remember privately.
Reach out to another woman who may be experiencing loss. Often, bringing comfort to someone else who may be struggling with loss can be a therapeutic way of dealing with feelings of isolation and loss. Because you can relate to each other in a way that others cannot, the empathy and encouragement will benefit you both.
PRAYERFUL STEPS:
Cry out to God with your loss because He hears and He cares. God understands your pain and loss. He asks us to cry out out to Him for help in our sorrow and brokenness. The Bible tells us that:
The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help.
Psalm 34:17-18 (NLT)
He rescues them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.“
Know that the Lord comforts those who feel alone and abandoned. Scripture reminds us that God provides families for those who do not have them. Look at the people God has placed in your life. Even though they may not be related by blood, they can bless you just as a family would.
God places the lonely in families;
Psalm 68:6 (NLT)
he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.“
TO THE WOMAN WHO FEELS ALONE BECAUSE OF LONGING
Longing for a child that is yet to be or for one who has been can be one of the deepest aches of a woman’s heart. Unfulfilled longings in this life can bring us to our knees as we cry out to God for mercy and answers.
- Maybe you are a would-be mom who is not a mom yet because you are single and waiting or have endured countless painful procedures trying to conceive. Your sense of longing is raw and real.
- Maybe you are the brand new mom who anxiously awaited celebrating her first Mother’s Day yet who secretly longs for a break from her baby and just a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.
- Maybe you are the empty nester, uneasy with a quiet house and busy adult kids with children of their own, longing for the days when all your chicks were under your roof.
- Maybe you are spending your first Mother’s Day as a motherless child, longing to see and talk to your mom just one more time and tell her what she means to you.
HOW TO DEAL WITH UNFULFILLED LONGINGS ON MOTHER’S DAY
Longing for something is not unhealthy or wrong. And the Bible even acknowledges that “hope deferred makes the heart sick” (Proverbs 13:12). The longings that Mother’s Day evoke can lead you anywhere on the spectrum from anger to apathy. Where do you go with these unfulfilled longings?
PRACTICAL IDEAS:
Give voice to your desires and longings. Whether that is sharing them with your spouse, a trusted friend, or even a counselor, don’t dismiss or deny your desires. Journaling your hopes and dreams may also be helpful.
Celebrate all the things that make you a life-giver. All women give life…not just moms. You may be a sister, friend, mentor, coach, teacher, daughter, aunt, cousin, or neighbor. These roles all provide daily opportunities for you to show up and give life. Do not diminish who you are because you are not a biological mother.
Protect your heart by setting up healthy boundaries. Boundaries are necessary for letting in the good and keeping out the bad. Learn to remove yourself from situations that make you feel that you are not enough or from people who are insensitive to your situation. As much as possible, surround yourself with people who value your worth and make you feel seen and heard.
PRAYERFUL STEPS:
Take every negative thought to God while you wait. Waiting can be weary on your soul. Discouragement, doubt, and anxiety can threaten to overwhelm you as persistent negative thoughts pervade your thinking. The Bible tells us to guard our hearts and minds. A therapist suggested keeping a box on your desk or nightstand and writing down every negative thought and placing it in the box. Then picture yourself handing the box to God.
Leave all your worries with him, because he cares for you.“
1 Peter 5:7 (GNT)
Trust God to provide for you while you wait. Even if you cannot fully understand why God is not fulfilling this longing, you can trust Him to provide for you while you wait. Easier said than done, right? While it is tempting to become hyper-focused on what you don’t have, opening your heart to what God has already given you and how He may be preparing you, are crucial to dealing with our unfulfilled desires.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.“
Matthew 6:33-34 (NIV)
TO THE WOMAN WHO FEELS ALONE BECAUSE OF FEELING LESS THAN
Many moms or would-be-moms fall into the comparison trap. They believe the lies that say they will always fall short, they will never measure up, and they will always feel less than other women. Although they value their role as a mother, they wonder if they will ever be enough.
- Maybe you are a single mom feeling overworked and underappreciated as you need to fulfill the roles of both parents with little financial support or physical help.
- Maybe you are a mom of a child with special medical, physical, or mental needs that you feel inadequate and ill-equipped to meet.
- Maybe motherhood is not all that you hoped for or expected, and the mundane, repetitive daily tasks of childrearing are more of a burden than a blessing.
- Maybe you are a foster mom or a mom waiting to adopt, wondering if you will have the family of your dreams.
HOW TO DEAL WITH FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY ON MOTHER’S DAY
It is so easy to feel as if you are less than or lacking as a woman on Mother’s Day. Either you feel that you are not enough because you do not have children, or you beat yourself up because you are not the mother you want to be. How can you overcome these feelings and remind yourself that you are enough…just as you are?
PRACTICAL IDEAS:
Stop comparing yourself and your children to other people. “Comparison is the thief of joy” (Theodore Roosevelt). And it is not healthy for you or your children. Every child is unique in the way they grow and develop. And every mother has her own style of parenting. While it might be helpful to look at other moms and their kids for advice, do not use them as a barometer for how successful you are as a mom.
Become a woman of connection. Instead of comparing yourself to other women (which can make you feel either inferior or superior), connect with like-minded moms who you can talk with openly, sharing your struggles and your victories. Be someone who champions and encourages other women…and surround yourself with others who do the same for you.
Seek and ask for help when you need it. Don’t pretend you have it all together when you don’t. Tell your husband you need a night out with your friends. Join a support group for single moms. Seek the wisdom and counsel of a seasoned woman who can offer support and guidance.
PRAYERFUL STEPS:
Remember that your identity and worth are found in Christ. When you love and embrace your role as a mom, it is easy to let your kids determine your worth and value. But what happens when they are demanding, disobedient, or disengaged? In her book, Love, Pray, Listen, Mary DeMuth gives a powerful reminder: “Our children do not validate us: Jesus does.”
But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God’s instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted.“
1 Peter 2:9-10 (MSG)
Replace the lies with God’s truth. The only way you can defeat the lies that tell you that you are not enough is to replace them with the truth found in God’s Word. And the truth found in the Bible is the only thing that will set you free from the bondage of feeling alone, unworthy, and inadequate. When you feel alone, God says He will never leave you (Deuteronomy 31:8). When you feel weak, God says He will strengthen you (Isaiah 41:10). And when you feel like you do nothing right, God reminds you that you are His masterpiece, created to do good things as a woman and a mother (Ephesians 2:10).
ALL WOMEN ARE WELCOME HERE
Whether you are a woman who is longing to be a mom, struggling with the loss of a child, or stressed out with the demands of mothering, you are welcome here! And you do not need to walk this journey alone.
AT THE CROSSROADS wants to offer you a safe place to pause, pray, and process as you overcome the loneliness you might feel by embracing your true identity in Christ. If you put your hand in mine, we can walk this part of our faith journey together. Sign up by filling out the form below, and you will receive weekly blog posts, monthly newsletters, free faith resources, and more!
If this post spoke to you in any way or if you know a woman who would be encouraged by reading it, would you mind leaving a comment, sharing it on social media, or even letting a friend know? My heart is to help as many people connect faith and life even when it is complicated, messy, and uncomfortable. And I would love to have you along for the journey!
Thank you for a wonderful and timely word for many.
I’m a 70 year old mother of 4 & grandmother of 3.
I was a widow for 9 years and married a widower, of 4 years, in 2022.
Of my 4 children, 3 are still living. My oldest committed suicide 18 months after his father’s death.
Two live in opposite ends of California, while I reside in the middle. The middle child lives out of state.
They were all raised in a loving Christian home, and attended Christian school.
They are all currently, in various stages with the Lord. From nominal to denial of His existence.
My mindset on this Mother’s Day swings from thankfulness that I have them , then sorrow over their spiritual lack, to regret over so many ways I would have done things differently.
I love them and pray for them daily.
There is still so much hope. However, guilt does like to rest its head.
Blessings upon your Mother’s Day.
Thanks for your vulnerability in sharing your story, Pat. As a mother of four grown children, I can relate on so many levels. One of the things I keep reminding myself is that God is not finished writing their stories. While it is easy to fall into the trap of “if only/what if,” we both need to trust that God’s plan and timing are perfect. Our role is continually to show them the love of Jesus. I will be praying for you and your children!