If you are trying to be a perfect mom then this post is definitely not for you! You won’t find any parenting advice or great words of wisdom here. Neither will you get simple, delicious, healthy recipes, Pinterest-worthy craft and décor ideas, or stunningly beautiful photographs of me with my children. Sorry, you will have to visit another website for those things because today I want to reach out and speak directly to my people: the imperfect moms.
THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING A PERFECT MOM
As a mother of four, I have definitely struggled with wanting to be the perfect mom. But after twenty-five years of raising children, I finally realize that the holy grail of motherhood is not within my grasp. Come on, if I haven’t figured it yet, do I really stand a chance now?
But guess what? I am learning to be okay with that because being a perfect mom is not all that it promises. Comparing ourselves to other moms and failing to measure up to unrealistic standards leaves us exhausted and unfulfilled. Competing (yes, we have all done it!) with other moms to make ourselves feel better only leaves us empty and isolated. And chasing the picture-perfect ideal of motherhood distracts us from what matters most: our children!
MOTHER’S DAY SHOULD NOT BE ABOUT HONORING PERFECT MOMS
As an imperfect mom, I must be honest with all of you: I have mixed feelings about “Mother’s Day.” It comes with a lot of expectations and forced sentimentality. I am also not used to being the center of attention. As an imperfect mom, I usually shy away from the spotlight lest anyone get close enough to see my faults (or the dust bunnies).
But today I want to link arms in solidarity with other imperfect moms.
- Moms who feel less than,
- Moms who wonder if their kids will need therapy one day,
- Moms who question their own sanity,
- Moms who try so hard but feel as if they always come up short, and
- Moms who struggle to see motherhood as all rainbows, sunshine, and warm, fuzzy feelings.
Yes, it’s okay to admit it. It is time we step out of the closet (or bathroom because that is usually where you find us hiding), show the world our imperfections, and embrace the truth.
MOTHERHOOD DOES NOT REQUIRE PERFECTION
I think I realized shortly after I had my first child over twenty-five years ago that I was not going to be a perfect mom. I attended the prerequisite parenting classes, religiously read all the books, and joined a support group of other wanna-be perfect moms. And when my son refused to follow the feeding and napping schedule prescribed by all the experts, I was undone. My track record did not improve much after that either.
Being a mom is by far the toughest job I have ever had and one that I still have not mastered over twenty years and four kids later.
I fail more often than I succeed, but I am learning to embrace it all as part of the journey.
CONFESSIONS OF AN IMPERFECT MOM
There, I said it.
For everyone to read and see.
What a relief!
And this post is for all the other imperfect moms out there:
- To those moms who miss games, concerts, and recitals (with good excuses or not!).
- To those who lose their ever-lovin’ minds when they see used cups, wet towels, and shoes scattered everywhere.
- To those who forget to turn in permission slips or bring in birthday treats.
- To those who strap a screaming baby in the car seat and drive and drive, hoping he will fall asleep.
- To those who are late for carpool or miss it completely.
- To those who send sick kids to school or keep healthy ones home.
- To those who pack lame lunches because there is no food in the house (Oreos & goldfish, anyone?).
- To those who should go to the ER for stitches but use a Band-Aid instead.
- To those who look at school papers (and “ooh and ahh”) then secretly throw them away when their kids are not looking.
- To those who send kids out the door with mismatched socks, wrinkled clothes, and uncombed hair.
- Those who never post pictures on social media because they forget to take pictures or all their photos are cringe-worthy.
- To those who let the dog clean the kitchen floor instead of using the mop.
- To those who fall asleep while reading bedtime stories.
- Those who hide candy/chocolate/snacks/drinks so their kids cannot find it and can have it all to themselves.
- To those who run upstairs and lock themselves in the bathroom and pretend not to hear anyone calling.
- To those who laugh when their kids fall because sometimes it is simply hilarious.
- To those who go through the drive-thru one too many times or serve cereal for dinner.
- To those who hide the Xbox controllers (or any other toy/item that is driving them crazy) and claim ignorance.
- To those who buy something from a store and try to pass it off as “homemade.”
- Those who keep laundry in the dryer for days and keep pushing the “touch up” button.
- To those who embarrass their kids by talking too loud, hugging too much, or kissing them in front of their friends.
- And to those who wake up some mornings and feel like they cannot do it one more day…
HOW TO STOP TRYING TO BE A PERFECT MOM
If you can relate to any of these (whether you want to admit it to anyone else or not), you are not alone, sweet mama! Hear me on this: it is okay you are not perfect no matter what Pinterest, Facebook, and Instagram may tell you.
Look for other moms who are authentic, messy, and imperfect. Those are your people! They will encourage you on your down days, help you on your tough days, and celebrate you on your good days (believe me, there will be plenty of those too!).
We, as imperfect moms, need to come out of the closet and embrace our imperfections. Instead of comparing, competing, and criticizing each other, let’s learn how to champion, cooperate, and communicate with each other.
FIND OTHER IMPERFECT MOMS TO ENCOURAGE YOU
An imperfect mom is a woman of connection. She is someone who is secure enough in who called her to be as a mom and where God has placed her that she can genuinely encourage and support you.
Imperfect moms have embraced the truth the truth found in the Bible that we are not meant to walk this journey alone:
“It’s better to have a partner than go it alone.
Share the work, share the wealth.
And if one falls down, the other helps, but if there’s no one to help, tough!
By yourself, you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (The Message)
Real, genuine women trying to be life-giving nurturers are also not afraid to speak the truth in love.
They believe that “iron sharpens iron” (Proverbs 27:17), so they do not shy away from the hard conversations knowing that they can strengthen and improve connection by being real and genuine.
THE ABCs of BEING A GREAT MOM, NOT A PERFECT ONE
So, after you find other moms for support and encouragement, focus on the basics of being a great mom, and let of go of the heavy load of perfection. Here are my ABCs of true, genuine motherhood…and they have a lot less to do with getting everything right and a lot more to do with showing up faithfully.
A -ALWAYS LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY
B – BE PRESENT, NOT PERFECT
C- CARE WITH GRACE, TRUTH, & HUMOR
No, you are not a perfect mom, but you are a GREAT MOM who does tons of awesome things every day for your kids.
Thankfully God does not demand perfection either. He only asks for obedience and faithfulness.
And that is really the essence of being a mom. You are not always going to get it right. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Your real job is to just keep on keeping on…
“So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us…”
Galatians 6:9-10 (The Message)
Celebrate an imperfect mom not only on Mother’s Day but every day!
She is doing her very best and loves you more than you will ever know.
JOIN OTHER IMPERFECT MOMS ON THE JOURNEY
At the Crossroads strives to be a safe and welcoming community where you can come as you as are (imperfections and all!) and meet others for hope and encouragement on your faith journey. Whether you are a mom or not, I would love to have you as a fellow traveler! Sign up by filling out the form below, and you will receive weekly blog posts, monthly newsletters, and access to over ten printables in my Faith Resource Library.
For resources on how to grow spiritually, please check out my FREE FAITH PRINTABLES page to find guides on prayer, soul care, and spiritual breakthroughs. And if you are beginning your faith journey and don’t know where to start, check out my START HERE page for free resources, support, and encouragement.
Welcome to my little corner of the world…I am thrilled to have you here!
This is the mom who woke up her 4 year old to late only to find she had snuck out of her bed in the middle of the night to sneak ice cream. That said ice cream coated her hair. This mom put her hair up in a ponytail and sprint out of the house only to open the door at her daycare and see it was picture day. What a stellar moment.
Thank you, Carla as an imperfect mom, I feel seen and known. But most importantly supported. ♥️
Thanks so much, Heather! Yes, as imperfect moms who need God’s grace & strength, we need to stick together!