6 BACK TO SCHOOL RULES FOR PARENTS

Parents, today’s post is for you…while you know your kids have rules when they go back to school, but what about you? There are 6 basic back to school rules for parents that will help any child succeed.

WHY GOING BACK TO SCHOOL IS COOL

I have a confession to make:  I love school.  Always have.

From the time my mom walked me to the bus stop for Kindergarten and sent me off on that big yellow bus (she always reminds me that I marched right on without even a look or wave back!), I have yearned and longed for school.  I went right from high school to college, back to high school to teach, college again, and then back to college to teach.  School is just in my DNA.

I love the structure, schedule, and routine.  I love to learn.  I love to meet new people.  I love to discover new ideas.  I love to volunteer and get involved.  I love all that school has to offer from music to sports to drama to clubs to volunteer opportunities.

I’m telling you, school is cool! (Yes, that officially makes me a nerd, I know!).

PARENTS NEED BACK TO SCHOOL RULES TOO

I distinctly remember the first year I did not go back to school at the end of the summer.  I had given birth to my first son in the spring (after teaching high school right up to the week he arrived) and decided not to go back in the fall.  It was the right decision for me, but also a hard one.  I sat on the couch facing the big picture window in our small bungalow one beautiful morning in late August.  As I held my precious newborn in my arms, I watched a school bus drive slowly down our street.  Without even realizing it, I tears began rolling down my cheeks.   Although I wanted to be at home with him, it was really difficult not to go back and be a part of the system that defined most of my life.

Is all my gushing about school making some of you sick?  Yes, I understand.  My kids cannot stand it either.  If they hear me tell them what a PRIVILEGE it is to go to school one more time, I think they are going to lose it.  Yet, I preach on…I am compelled.

So over the years of being a student, a teacher, a volunteer, and a parent, I think I have learned some things about school.  Things I usually love to share with my kids and other students who will listen to me (despite the eye rolling).

However, this year I feel the need to give some advice to the parents. It doesn’t matter if your child attends public school, private school, or is homeschooled. These rules also apply whether your child is in preschool or graduate school. Parents can and do play a huge role in the education of their children.   And being both a former teacher and current parent of children in middle school, high school, and college, I can see things from both perspectives.

I made mistakes as a teacher.

I made and continue to make mistakes as a parent.

Here is what I am in the process of learning…6 Simple Rules.

(I even had my own children review and approve them.)

Do I always follow them? Good gracious, no! But I do want to learn and strive to be better each school year.

BACK TO SCHOOL RULE # 1: ENGAGE DON’T ENABLE

Engaging is asking your child about school. It is using thoughtful, open-ended questions, not leading questions. What does he like/dislike? What does she think of her teachers or classes? How is he making friends? What motivates her?

Enabling is making sure your child is in the “right” class with the “right” teacher. It is contacting the teacher every time your child is angry or upset.   It is blaming other students for your child’s behavior.  Enabling only hurts your child…choose to engage instead.

BACK TO SCHOOL RULE # 2: ASK DON’T ASSUME

Do you know how many times my child came home with some piece of information from school (that, by the way, sounded ridiculous) that had me calling or writing an email only to learn that I had been misinformed?

Awkward.  Embarrassing.  Unnecessary.

If what your child is telling you does not seem right, ask first before jumping to conclusions. What teachers say and what students hear can be worlds apart (just like parenting!).

Here is what I used to tell my parents at Open House when I was a high school English teacher:

“If you’ll only believe half of what your kids tell you about me and this class, I promise to believe only half of what they say about you and your home!” 😉

Ask first, wait 24 hours, then respond appropriately if necessary.

BACK TO SCHOOL RULE #3: LISTEN DON’T LECTURE

I am all for getting out the soapbox when needed, but, as parents, we often spend too much time preaching and telling and spouting off all of our wisdom that we barely stop long enough to hear what our kids are trying to tell us. I am so guilty of this!

What I have learned from raising three boys is if I do not stop to listen, they are not going to tell me anything. Trust me, boys are not naturally dispensers of information. Usual responses include: “Okay.” “Fine.” “Good.” That is about it.

Lecturing makes them clam up even more, so be intentional about being a good listener. I find that when I am alone with a child in the car (which happens quite often!), it is a great opportunity for me to be quiet and let them talk. In fact, I often use a little trick of waiting to say anything until they start talking first.  It usually works!

BACK TO SCHOOL RULE #4: MODEL DON’T MANAGE (OR MICROMANAGE!)

“Do as I say don’t do as I do,” is a slogan that is never going to win any parenting awards. It flat out stinks. And kids can smell it.

If you want your kids to care about school, you have to care about it too. If you want them to read more, let them see you reading…frequently (and not just your phone or computer!) If you want them to strive for excellence, show them how hard you work at your job. If you want them to get involved, take them with you to volunteer.

Model, model, model.   That is the best way for our kids to learn.

What we do instead is try to micromanage every detail of their lives so we can control everything. It will not work.  In fact, it backfires most of the time and we are left with kids who do not care about anything.

BACK TO SCHOOL RULE #5: HELP DON’T HINDER

This seems to be a no-brainer, right? But I have fallen into this trap so many times. I think I am helping. I am really trying to help. My intention is to help, but in reality, I am holding my kids back.

What does this look like? I see it quite often in the arena of sports or extracurricular activities. We want something so much for our kids that we will do anything to make it happen for them. We talk to the coach, do what we can to get them on the best team or in the best class, pay extra for tutoring or training, spend weekends away from home…whatever it takes.

Yet, we are the ones driving this train. Our kids may be willing participants, but often they are just along for the ride. How do I know this? Many of them are burned out by high school and totally walk away. Have we helped or hindered in this case? Teaching our kids to take ownership of what they really want and work hard for it is a lifelong skill that will help them in every area of their lives.

BACK TO SCHOOL RULE #6: CELEBRATE DON’T CRITICIZE

Look for small victories, not perfection. Did she finally make it to the bus stop on time? Did he pack his own lunch? Did she improve from last quiz grade? Did he share something about how he is feeling? Did she write out her assignments in her planner? Yea! Get excited and show it!

Yes, these are small steps, but they are in the right direction. Our kids face criticism from the outside world every day. Often, they are their own worst critics. They do not need another person telling them how and why they messed up. They already know. Emphasize the positive instead.

They need to know that we are their number one fan, faithful cheerleader, and constant encourager.

Okay, parents, now we have some homework to do this week and throughout the school year. Let’s get to it with the same effort, attitude, and enthusiasm we want to see in our students!

Class dismissed!

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