Even though I am in a place I did not choose or want to be, I am held. Even with a body broken and failing, I am held. Even in the darkest valley, I am held.
How do I know God is holding me together? Because He holds ALL things together.
He is before all things and in Him all things hold together.
Yes, it is Mindful Monday, dear friends. It is strange even to write those words since I have not been here in awhile. I took a break from weekly blogging over six months ago having no clear idea why. I just knew, deep in my soul, God was asking me to step back and take a break. So I did.
And a lot has happened since then…
Because by the time you read this, I will be undergoing major surgery at the Cleveland Clinic. You have no idea how I have wrestled and waited, struggled and second-guessed, with letting you know.
Not because I am ashamed, not because I do not trust you and not because I am fearful.
I am held.
When I started this blog over six years ago, I did so with YOU in mind. I desperately wanted to:
- Connect with you.
- Encourage you.
- Hear from you.
I wanted to show how my faith and my life intersect and to point you to the truth I have found through my relationship with God and the Bible. And in doing so, I have shared parts of my heart, my life, and my struggles.
By nature, I am a private person. My son calls me a social introvert (I think because he is one too!). I love to connect with people, but if you see me in a crowd I am not the life of the party nor do I ever seek to be the center of attention; instead, you will probably find me off in a corner talking seriously to someone one on one. That’s my zone.
So going “public” with this news is so very hard for me. In fact, I have written and deleted this post countless times. And my stomach will be in knots when I get up the nerve to press the “publish” button.
But I heard a message this morning at church (thank you, Pastor Todd Iannetta) that made me wonder if this decision to keep this part of my life separate and closed off was more about me than you. More about my pride, my desire to appear strong and in control, my unwillingness to be completely transparent. He reminded me that authentic relationships require 3 things:
So here it is…I trust you enough to be totally transparent and tell you the truth.
Although many of you know I have systemic lupus (SLE), I was diagnosed with another (and unrelated) autoimmune disease called Myasthenia Gravis in November, 2017. Hard to pronounce…and even harder to describe.
ALL IS WELL.
BECAUSE I AM HELD.
I know this deep in my soul. I trust God completely believing He is working out all of this for my good and His glory. It is a part of my story, so I embrace it without fear.
Weakness, fatigue, stumbling and even falling have been a part of this journey, but God is faithful! I am claiming Psalm 121 knowing that God promises to protect and provide!
Psalm 121 (New Living Translation)
1 I look up to the mountains—
does my help come from there?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth!
3 He will not let you stumble;
the one who watches over you will not slumber.
4 Indeed, he who watches over Israel
never slumbers or sleeps.
5 The Lord himself watches over you!
The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.
6 The sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon at night.
7 The Lord keeps you from all harm
and watches over your life.
8 The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,
both now and forever.
While I may be off the grid for a few weeks, my desire is to return to blogging soon. I know God has a lot to teach me through this experience, so I hope to use it to encourage those you who may be experiencing trials of your own. I am learning that God does not waste anything.
However, I am going to be careful about how much I share on social media. This particular post is only going out to my email subscribers, so if you want to continue to walk with me on this journey, please sign up by filling out the box on the right sidebar.