This is hard for me to do, but it is time for me to say goodbye. After much wrestling with God, processing through prayer, and discussing with my family, it is time for me to suspend my ministry, AT THE CROSSROADS.
I will not be posting every Mindful Monday as I have done for the past several years and will be reevaluating other areas such as my writing, teaching, speaking, and outreach events.
Ending this chapter is is bittersweet for me but has been coming for a few years now.
A BUMPY ROAD
Many of you do not know that I began speaking and teaching Bible studies in 2005. I was just diagnosed with lupus, had four children under the age of ten, and had absolutely no idea what I was doing or why in the world God had called me. From there, many doors opened to speak to women (and some men too!) at other churches, conferences, and venues. Although nervous and entirely out of my comfort zone, I trusted God and walked through these doors. People were kind, generous and patient with me. I had a lot to learn (and still do!) but was graciously guided by wise and godly mentors and friends.
I began blogging in 2011 as a response to my speaking and connecting with women. It was a choice I reluctantly made. Pressing the publish button made my stomach ache and putting myself out there for the world to see (and scrutinize) was painfully hard for a private person like me, but I did it because I wanted to connect and have a broader reach. I desired to get to know others better and make myself available to them. I needed fellow travelers to walk alongside me on my faith journey.
The road was bumpy for sure without clear direction or a definite destination. I determined to learn everything I could about blogging, websites, email subscribers, graphics, e-books, and social media. Although I tried to engage others for help and assistance along the way, without any resources and limited time as a stay-at-home mom, I was left to teach myself. It was frustrating, lonely, and challenging. I got burned and betrayed along the way. I would describe my journey as one step forward, two steps back.
HOW IT ALL STARTED
Here is an excerpt from one of my very first posts:
Okay…this is my first attempt at “blogging, “so I will just shoot straight and hope for the best. I have been encouraged by several friends to blog for over a year now and today is the day I decide to embrace their suggestion. Why? Well, I am a teacher, a speaker, and somewhat of a writer. I agree that blogging is a way for people to get to know me better and understand my perspective on things.
However, I have to be upfront and say outright that I am by nature a private person. Blogging seems a little “out there” for me…a little too much information, a little too exposed. Does that make any sense to anyone? I think I may struggle to be genuine, authentic and honest without going too far. I need God’s wisdom and guidance to do that well. You can help me, too!
I thought and prayed a lot about what this blog should be and how I should use it. Please understand that it is a work in progress just as I am a work in progress.
The title “At the Crossroads” comes from one of my favorite verses, Jeremiah 6:16. I really like the version from The Message: “Go stand at the crossroads and look around. Ask for directions to the old road. The tried-and-true road. Then take it. Discover the right route for your souls.”
I don’t know about you, but in my season of life, I don’t stand around much or for very long. I am always rushing, always going, always doing. I don’t have the luxury of standing at the crossroads and looking around…do you? I’m off to pick up the next kid at practice or drop someone off at music lessons. I rush into the grocery store for just “a few things,” then rush home to throw in another load of laundry, make dinner, help with homework, etc….not much time left to stand and look around, let alone ask for directions!
Yet something deep inside of me longs to do just that…to slow down, take my time, think things through, ask for directions and then choose wisely. The verse says to “discover the right road for your souls.” I just love the sound of that, don’t you? It resonates deep inside of me.
So that’s what I am going to attempt to do in this blog. Yes, I am going to stop and stand at the crossroads. I am going to look around. I am going to ask for directions (you may be one of the people I ask!). I am going to search for that “tried-and-true” road. I’m going to take it. Won’t you join me on this journey? With the Lord’s help, we might just discover the right route for our souls together!
SAYING GOODBYE IS HARD TO DO
This post was written over five years ago, and while some of it makes me cringe and laugh out loud, it also makes me smile because my purpose, heart, and desire have not changed.
I only had two simple goals for my blogging:
- Connect my faith and my life.
- Connect with fellow travelers on the journey.
I tried to do this faithfully, honestly, biblically, and openly.
So, why give it up now?
I am worn and weary.
I question my impact and effectiveness.
I feel disconnected from you.
I doubt if this is God’s will for me right now.
Those are the simple, hard truths I have been afraid to confront, but God has brought me to place (maybe a crossroads?) where I am physically, emtionally, mentally, and spiritually depleted.
I have accepted the fact that I am not enough nor do I have enough to keep doing this. And that’s okay because GOD IS ENOUGH.
So I willingly place myself and this ministry in His capable and loving hands. I am suspending all activity while I wait for God’s direction and timing.
If God decides to raise AT THE CROSSROADS up again, He will. If not, it should remain dead and buried.
STILL HERE FOR YOU
So why did I keep going for so long?
Your encouragement. Your inspiration. Your friendship. Your involvement. Your honesty. Your commitment.
Those of who you have been with me from the beginning, who have reached out to me personally, who have commented, liked or shared my posts, who have emailed me, who have prayed with and for me, who have silently or openly supported me…I know and will remember each and every one of you.
YOU have been the best part of this ministry and will be the part I will miss the most. Please know that I will always be here for you! You can still contact me through email if I can ever help you in any way: email@example.com. I have also decided not to shut down this website, so you can still visit if you want to get information or even read an old post!
And for my email subscribers, you hold a very dear and special place in my heart. I will be sending you a separate email in the next week giving you more specific details about my future and how you can pray for me.
Ironically, 2018 begins with a goodbye for me, but that does not mean my story is finished. God is just writing a new chapter…or maybe an entirely new book. Leaving is like walking into the unknown, both exhilarating and frightening, but I go with God and trust you will do the same.
Grace & Peace,